Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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