SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
