were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
