Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
