three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
