I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
