i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
