I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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