I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
