FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
