Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
