I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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