ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
