She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
