A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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