it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
