So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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