My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
