he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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