Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
