"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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