I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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