Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
