Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
