I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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