You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
