You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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