just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
