So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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