and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
