The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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