I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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