Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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