i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
