I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My vagina is officially offended.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
