This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
