forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we're so committed to being not committed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
