My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
