My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
...so i touched it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
