I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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