so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
