I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
