I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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