if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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