It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
