I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
