if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
