she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
