let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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