you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This baby is an asshole
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
