how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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