You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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